Trying to Move When You Have Anxiety.

Our week leading up to the big move was a stressful one.  We weren’t just moving our things from one location to another – most of them were heading into storage for more than a year.  Only 140 lbs. of our belongings were shipped to Germany, and most of that was clothing.  I felt like I was splurging when I chose to ship my favorite fruit bowl, coffee cup, and nice paring knives.  This is supposed to be our year of living with less.  How much less?  I haven’t figured that out yet.  We took two large checked bags (again, mostly clothing), two carry-on suitcases, a book bag, and a bird onto the airplane.  It felt like we were taking a lot until I actually watched my belongings go out the door on moving day.  I will miss my crockpot, papasan chair, large TV, and Koopa’s bird cage mansion.

Our last photo in America for quite a while.

The week before the move was one of the hardest of my life, and I’ve been through some very difficult weeks.  We had a long to-do list and almost every item was critical.  We had to change our address to that of my in-laws so that we could get SC driver’s licenses – which are valuable because with them we can skip the intense German driving tests.  We spent more than a whole day driving around the state of NC to meet the very strict requirements set by the European Union in order to import our bird to Germany.  There were goodbye dinners to have, car insurance issues to fix, many purchases to make, cell phone plans to terminate, and putting my car into long-term storage (and crying a little about it).

The staggering details and level of organization needed for an international move caused me to hit a steel wall of anxiety.  A wall that was so solid that it stopped me dead in my tracks, unable to function.  This is not what you need when time is breathing down your neck and you have fallen behind on your checklist. It feels a little bit like this:

The reason that I hit a steel wall is because I struggle with intense depression and anxiety disorders.  I started struggling with them over a year ago and I have increasingly struggled with agoraphobia over the past six months.  I am convinced that having anxiety and depression together is a recipe for disaster, and anyone who accomplishes anything while suffering from them should be rewarded greatly.  I have found that the best antidote for my depression is having a job and a schedule that is non-negotiable.  Well, I lost my job and chose not to get another one since we were moving.  This meant my schedule was largely up to me, which led to more symptoms of my depression emerging.  I had also been seeing a therapist to try to work through some of my issues, however, I had to wrap things up with her indefinitely as we prepared for the move.  My agoraphobia comes and goes, but it got much worse prior to the move because my safe place (my home) was being taken apart.  So you can see how full-fledged depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia could hinder a move.  It brought me what I can only describe as a Meena meltdown.

Being unable to get out of bed or off the couch has, unfortunately, become almost normal for me.  My anxiety issues have caused a condition called costochondritis that makes it hard for me to breathe if I am stressed or overworked.  I’ve had it four to five times over the past year and it generally renders me inactive.  Mr. Meena and I have found ways to deal with this over time, but our normal coping strategies of relaxation, exercise, and quality time together didn’t work because of our time restraints.  Stress rules over relaxation when you are in the middle of a move.  We have also become pretty good at dealing with my agoraphobia because we can order groceries, household goods, clothing, and dinner online.  However, many moving errands simply require you to leave the house.

I’ve been reflecting on all of the stress during my first couple days in Schweinfurt.  I’m in a semi-zombie state that results from lack of sleep and a confusing time change, so I’m not saying this is quote-worthy material.  I’ve been thinking of what could’ve helped me deal with the various problems and what might help others.  I’ve come up for a few ideas for those who are trying to move while dealing with anxiety and depression.

Work as far ahead as possible.  While we didn’t have the date for our move until a month beforehand, we knew that we were moving about six months in advance.  We tried to pack up everything we could as early as possible.  It was hard for me to take down my decorations because it made the apartment feel less like home, but it was one less thing that we had to do the week before we moved.  We started packing in advance but we didn’t stick with it and I think it was a huge factor in our stress levels towards the end.  Try planning out what you will pack each week before your move to make goals for yourself.  Can you live without something for the next six weeks?  Put it in the boxes, then.

Ask for help.  It’s a hard thing to do.  If you have tried to do something yourself and failed, then acknowledge the fact that you have to tell someone about it so they can help you.  My agoraphobia kept me from going to the DMV until it was almost too late and would have caused serious problems.  I finally asked Mr. Meena to take me to the DMV on his lunch break.   It was hard to be vulnerable and ask him for such valuable time, yet it was easier than ending up in Germany without a way to drive.  He was grateful that I asked.  I think you will find that many people will help you, the main reason they don’t is because they are unaware of your needs.

Definitely delegate.  My mother in law shipped many items for us during this time, helped clean our apartment, and brought my father in law with her to pick up trash and other items from our apartment while we were out doing other things.  She also stayed with me on moving day so that I wasn’t alone among the chaos and testosterone.  Your friends and family may be very busy, but they can probably manage to do one small thing for you.  They may even do it gladly or view it as their farewell gift.

Have an intentional conversation with your spouse.  If Mr. Meena and I had not been fighting so much during our moving week we would have accomplished a lot more.  The worst part about having a bad fight during this busy time is feeling like you don’t have time to fix it because you have to get stuff done.  We didn’t take time for reconciliation and it ended up in more fights and lower productivity.  For me, having a bad fight with Mr. Meena is likely to make me backslide with my depression.  Maybe you and your significant other are at your best during times of stress.  For the rest of us, I suggest sitting down and talking through stressful events before they happen and reminding one another how much you love and respect them.  It’s kind of like preparing for battle, and you want them on your side.

Keep a comforting item with you.  I am more attached to my comforter than any adult should really admit.  If you have a favorite picture, coffee mug, or decorative item, then by all means set it aside while you are packing.  You may feel like it’s just one more item to carry later, but if it provides you comfort then it is worth that price.

Appoint a decision maker.  It’s amazing how many tiny items there are in a household.  Does it really matter which box they get packed in?  What about the food in the fridge, do you eat or throw it away?  Should you even bother keeping that old pair of jeans?  Rapid-fire decisions like that can wear you down, so maybe find an impartial family member that doesn’t mind helping you decide.  If that’s not an option, then try flipping a coin.  I have found that the more I am suffering from my depression, the more difficult it is to make a decision.  Getting overwhelmed can make you lose a lot of progress.

Ditch caffeine and alcohol if you can.  I have a hard time giving up caffeine, but it is possible.  If you suffer from anxiety, this is especially important.  I always questioned how much giving up caffeine would actually help with anxiety, and I have found that it makes a big difference.  On the flip side, if you suffer from depression, alcohol can make you feel more numb, sad, or just generally make things worse for you.  It’s worth considering.

Staying motivated during a move can be much harder than staying organized.  Have personal issues or conditions made things harder for you during a move?  How did you triumph over them?

Featured photo by Black-Powder licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.